A Boot to the Head (RRO Event 3 Joke Script)

Morganite: As the noble of Ms. Red Rose Diamond's Oasis, I have been empowered to read Ms. Sky Blue Topaz's Last Will And Testament.

Maw-sit-sit: Well, get on with it, the garden's opening up soon.

Pink Agate: Oh, poor, dear Sky Blue! Waaaa!

Ametrine: Oh, there, there, Doll.. *pats Pink Agate on the head*

Elbaite: God, how predictably boring. Uhuehuehue!~

Pezz.: I never worked for a kinder woman.

Morganite: If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the reading.

Maw-sit-sit: I knew it.

Elbaite: Heh heh heh heh...~ <3

Morganite: "I, Sky Blue Topaz, being a performer of light, mind and body..."

Cat's Eye Moonstone (from a far): That's a laugh!

Morganite: "...do hereby divide up my considerable state as follows. To my overly emotional friend, Pink Agate..."

Pink Agate: Waaaa!;-;

Ametrine: Doll, she's talking about you.

Pink Agate: O-Oh.

Morganite: "...who grubbed with her dear friend, Ametrine, cried for everything they could get from what resources we had, and then cried crocodile tears when we needed sympathy..."

Pink Agate: What?

Morganite: "...To Doll, I leave a boot to the head."

Pink Agate: A what?

*BONK!*

Pink Agate: Ow!

Ametrine: Doll, are you okay? O.O!!

Morganite: "...and another boot to her friend, Ametrine."

*BONK!*

Ametrine: Ow!

Maw-sit-sit: Hahahahaha...

Noreena.: This is an outrage!

Morganite: "...ah, but still, you are my friend, you have both admired my flips and tricks, and since I no longer need it since I am soon going to meet my demise..."

Pink Agate: Oh, dear, she's too kind!

Ametrine: Yes indeed.

Morganite: "...I bequeath another boot to the head."

Pink Agate: What?

*BONK!*

Pink Agate: Ow!

Maw-sit-sit: Hahahaha...

Morganite: "And one more for the tiny child."

*BONK!*

Ametrine: Ow!

Morganite: "Next, to my sadistic friend Maw-sit-sit..."

Maw-sit-sit: Hey, I don't want no boot to the head!

Morganite: "...to dear Mossy, who has never been happy, a day in her life..."

Maw-sit-sit: I'm coverin' up my head!

Morganite: "...I leave my bedroom and three crates of my finest calligraphy."

Maw-sit-sit: Really?

Morganite: "And a boot to the head."

*BONK!*

Maw-sit-sit: OH!

Morganite: "And another for Pink Agate and the tiny child."

*BONK!*

Pink Agate: Oh!

*BONK!*

Ametrine: Ow!

Morganite: "Next, to the local crazy lady, Elbaite..."

Elbaite: This is so predictable huehuehue...

Morganite: "...I leave three boots to the head."

*BONK!* *BONK!* *BONK!*

Red Jasper: Uh! I knew it.

Morganite: "And another one for Pink Agate and the tiny child."

*BONK!*

Pink Agate: Ah!

*BONK!*

Ametrine: OH!

Morganite: "This takes care of loyal obligations. And now, to Mrs. Noreena Jasper..."

Noreena.: Oh, uh, I don't want nothin'.

Morganite: "...who stood up for me faithfully until my death, who cared, made me laugh, even played a song..."

Noreena.: Oh, I didn't mind.

Morganite: "To Mrs. Noreena, I bequeath a boot to the head."

*BONK!*

Noreena.: OH!

Morganite: "And one for Pinkie and the tiny child."

*BONK!*

Pink Agate: AH!

*BONK!*

Ametrine: OH!

Morganite: "And so, to that white haired gem who keeps watching me in the dark Cat's Eye Moonstone, I leave my entire vast... boot to the head!"

*BONK!*

*MEOW!*

Morganite: "And finally, to my noble Morganite, who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head...but over 1000 punchings from Bismuth?!" Ooohhh!! Oh, huh huh huh huh, and, and, "...and I leave my entire estate of 10 hundred glass roses to the gems of the Oasis so they can have a gorgeous garden!" Huh.

Elbaite: Ohohoo! Is that it?

Maw-sit-sit: That's it?

Noreena.: That's disgraceful.

Morganite: There's one last thing for everyone.

Elbaite: Cover your heads, everybody!

Morganite: "I leave everyone a lifetime supply of flowers."

Elbaite: Flowers?

Maw-sit-sit: Flowers?

Ametrine: More flowers, that's all?

Morganite: That's all.

Noreena.: Well, what color are they?

Morganite: The color.. of "Boot to the Head"!

*BONK!* *BONK!* *BONK!* *BONK!*

ALL: OW!